Pigging Out Without Looking Porky

 

A ketogenic lifestyle isn't for everyone, and there is plenty of skepticism from mis-informed people about the safety of such a way of eating. I have done my research (and continue to do so), and I believe (and my body tells me) that the lifestyle is not only perfectly safe (when done correctly), but that my body is thriving on it! 

Maria Emmerich wrote a great post this week that clears up many of the misconceptions about ketogenic diets. I highly recommend you give it a read! 

As for my own results... 

The picture on the left was taken 10 days after I started. I'd lost 6 lbs at that point. The picture on the right was taken 2 weeks later. I'm only 2 lbs lighter than in the first pic, but I can see A LOT of change in my body. My waist, abs, hip bones, and neck are more defined, and my jawline is tighter (hallelujah!). I exercised very little over these two weeks, so I heavily credit the changes to my well-formulated ketogenic eating habits!

Three cheers for a nutrition plan that lets me skip my workout, lose weight, feel great, and...

Eat like dis.

Pork Loin & Tenderloin With Cheesy Cauliflower Gratin and Braised Cabbage With Green Beans & Bacon 

The perfect meal for when you want something to feed your soul and stick to your ribs.

ALL the pork. Two half-pound, 2" thick porterhouse chops, and two baby chops (stacked, for the kiddos). 

Get in my snout.

*For chops this size, it's important to season them generously with salt the day before you plan to cook them - this will act kind of like a dry brine and help season the pork all the way through the thick cut. 

Ingredients

for the pork

1 1/2 - 2lbs bone-in pork chops

coconut oil

steak seasoning

Preheat the oven to 425F, and line a sheet pan with parchment paper or a silpat. Also, preheat a large skillet over medium to medium high heat. Rub the chops down on both sides with coconut oil, then season all sides with your favorite steak seasoning.  Working with 2 chops at a time (so as not to overcrowd the pan), sear the chops well on each side, about 5 minutes for the first side and 4 for the second. Remove from skillet and reserve on prepared sheet pan. Repeat for remaining chops. When all the chops are seared, place them in the preheated oven and continue cooking until the meatiest parts of the chops register 155F. Remove from oven and allow to rest 5 minutes (the carryover heat will bring them to 160F). 

for the cauliflower gratin

1 head cauliflower, stemmed and cut into medium-sized pieces

1 Tbs butter

1 Tbs mayo

1 oz cream cheese

8 oz shredded cheese, divided

Prepare a large microwave-safe dish with a cover by layering two paper towels in the bottom (and up the sides) of the dish. Place the cauliflower in the paper towels, season generally with salt, then put a a third paper towel on top. Cover with the lid, and microwave for about 18 minutes (or until fork tender). Carefully remove the lid and top paper towel, then remove the cauliflower to another vessel. Remove the wet paper towels and any excess liquid from the bowl. Add the butter, mayo, cream cheese, and half of the shredded cheese to the bowl and mix well. Add the cooked cauliflower to the mixture, and mix/mash to combine. If your bowl is oven safe, you can spread the cauliflower evenly and top with the rest of the cheese, otherwise transfer it to an oven safe casserole and follow the same steps. Bake in a 425 degree oven until bubbly and the cheese is melted, or just broil for a couple of minutes to brown the top. (Or skip the oven completely and just microwave until the cheese melts.)

for the cabbage

1/2 a head of cabbage, stemmed and chopped (about 4 cups)

4 thick slices bacon, chopped

couple handfuls of fresh green beans, trimmed and cut in half

salt and pepper

crushed red pepper flakes (optional)

Place the bacon in a deep skillet or in a soup pot. Turn on the heat to med-low and cook until the fat is rendered and the bacon is crisp. Add the chopped cabbage and the green beans, and toss to coat. Season generously with salt and pepper. Add a sprinkle of crushed red pepper if desired. Cover the pot and cook on med-low heat for 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Serves 4 (plus leftovers - *see notes)

Approximate nutrition per serving ~ 890 calories, 6 net carbs, 61g fat, 79g protein

*To keep the protein portions a little reined-in, I chose to serve some of each side of the porterhouse (about 7.25 oz per plate - more protein than I normally eat in one meal [or even on most days], but fine for my weekly macros) on each plate. I saved the rest of the meat for leftovers.

**The cauliflower made 2 extra servings; I saved the extra two for leftovers.

I feel like it's missing something... 

YES.

Much better.

Feed Your Mom's Face

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who grew a human, and also to those who didn't and mom anyway. You bitches rock! Hope your families spoil your faces off!

My sweet lil fam' presented me with this gold bracelet to commemorate the year I painted allllll the things gold. (I may have gone a little nuts with gold spray paint and my gold leaf pen when it came to styling the new house this year... ) I love it, and I love the memories it evokes every time I look at it.

We have a lovely, lazy day at home planned for today... a "nothing" day, as we call it. My absolute favorite! I don't even have to put on pants! 

#winning

I have a couple of recipes I want to try out later today, and I'm already drooling just thinking about them. If they taste as good in my piehole as they do in my brain, I'll share them this week. One of them might include avocado hollandaise...

For now, I'm sharing last night's simple dinner, which in its own right would be a fantastic and flavorful Mother's Day meal. We had a fun, busy day yesterday (went to a birthday party/cookout some friends had for their twin toddlers) and were pooped by the time we got home. I didn't want a complicated dinner, but I also needed it to be on the lower end of the calorie scale.

Because I ate all the chicken wings at the party. And I may have dipped said wings into a cream-cheese-chorizo-Rotel concoction that was referred to as "man dip." (I'm pretty sure the "man dip" was supposed to go with crackers or chips, but since I can't has the carbage, I got creative.) 

Anyway, I had leftover breakfast sausage and part of an onion, plus a head of cauliflower and some greens in the fridge. I contemplated making some kind of soup out of it, but it was hot as balls in our house (because I'm turning into my grandmother and refusing to turn on the A/C until it's 1000 degrees outside), so I wasn't in the mood for soup. I decided on a deconstructed hash kinda deal, and Oh. My. Yum.

Roasted Cauliflower Steak With Sausage, Baby Kale, and Poached Egg

Ingredients

1 head cauliflower, trimmed of bottom stem and leaves

coconut oil spray (or other cooking spray)

salt and pepper

sprinkle of smoked paprika or cumin (optional)

1/2lb ground sausage

1/4 cup diced onion

4 eggs

12 cups baby kale

1 Tbs plus 1 tsp red wine (or other) vinegar, divided

1 Tbs extra virgin olive oil

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees, and line a sheet pan with parchment paper or a silpat. (You could totally grill it instead!) Slice the cauliflower lengthwise into about 1" thick steaks. (Leave a little more stem on the cauliflower when you trim it to help the steaks stay together when slicing.) Some of the florets will fall off - just roast them alongside the steaks. Spray one side of the steaks with the cooking spray, then season with salt, pepper, and a bit of cumin or smoked paprika. Carefully transfer them (a spatula helps), seasoned side DOWN, to the sheet pan. Spray and season the other side. Roast them in the oven for about 25 minutes, until tender and browned with lots of crispy (kurspy) edges.

While the cauliflower cooks, sauté the sausage in a skillet until brown and kurspy, then add the onions (and/or any other veg you want) and cook until softened and browning on the edges. Sprinkle with a little cumin or smoked paprika if you want.

Meanwhile, fill a nonstick skillet with a couple inches of water and bring to a low boil. Add 1 Tbs vinegar to the water. Crack an egg, pour it into a small bowl and then gently pour the egg into the simmering water (start at the top of the pan and add them in a clockwise pattern to remember which order the eggs entered the pan - first one in is first one out). Repeat the process for the remaining 3 eggs. Once all the eggs are added, cover the skillet and turn off the heat. Let the eggs poach for 3 to 5 minutes (depending on how firm you like your egg). Use a slotted spoon to gently remove the eggs from the water, and drain them on a paper towel before serving.

*If you ain't got time to poach a damned egg, feel free to just fry some up in the sausage drippings in the other skillet. Save's some dishes, nerves,  and would be just as (if not MORE) tasty. 

(WHY DIDN'T I JUST FRY MY EGGS???)

Toss the greens with the remaining vinegar, the olive oil, and a little salt and pepper. They don't need to be super dressed, because the toppings will add tons of flavor to them.

Top the greens with a cauliflower steak, a big spoonful of sausage, and an egg.

Serves 4

Approximate nutrition per serving ~ 347 calories, 4.3 net carbs, 26g fat, 20g protein 

Baaaack In the Saddle With BACON-Wrapped Chicken Legs

Hey all, I'm back. The past year has been stressful. We moved from Hawaii to Maryland (ya know, just 3000 miles... no biggie), bought a house, began renovating, and hubby started a year-long specialized training that has him working 15 hour days. I've had the tireds, the sads, and the brokes, no job to help with reno-costs, and lately no motivation for anything. Except to watch ALL the Netflix. And eat all the things. And my wardrobe hates me for it!

What to do?

Eat the feelings (because they're DELICIOUS) and watch more Netflix.

And glare at the scale when it tells you you've gained 10 pounds (12 pounds). LIES!! (Not lies. Sad-face. With extra chins.)

What to do? 

Whine. Then eat. Then wine. Then cry.

Then CHANGE.

Because this isn't your first rodeo, and you know the only way to get results is to put in the work.

Personally, I've always had more luck with weight loss (esp as I get older) when I restrict my carbohydrate intake. But I've never stuck with a low carb diet, mostly because I love fruits and veggies, and I always felt like I was being deprived of them when I was low-carbing. I felt like the "right" way to low-carb was to brush my teeth with bacon, floss with cheese, and gargle with butter. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE all those foods, but not 24/7. I get that that's an exaggerated view of the lifestyle, but it's how I had come to associate the lifestyle, and it was putting me off. 

I wanted a lifestyle of limited carbs WITH the colorful, fresh produce I've come to love. Interwebs to the rescue! After browsing some recipes on Pinterest, I stumbled upon the ketogenic/keto-paleo lifestyle. It's basically a high fat, low carb, and moderate protein way of eating. 

AND IT ROCKS.

"A ketogenic diet isn't something new that has been recently formulated; people have been on a ketogenic diet for virtually three million years in which our brains were nurtured and evolved. Now the human brain is not only shrinking, but brain atrophy is the norm as we age and get plagued with diseases such as dementia, Alzheimer's disease and Parkinson's disease.

People mistakenly think that they need to eat less and exercise more to create a calorie deficit in order to lose weight. This is not how diet and exercise helps with weight loss. A well-formulated keto-adapted diet along with proper exercise builds muscle and muscle builds mitochondria. It is in the mitochondria where fat is oxidized so you can keep your cells and liver insulin sensitized. Weight loss and health is about healthy mitochondria and about controlling hormones and specifically insulin. 

This is not a diet, it is a lifestyle. By eating this way, you will begin to heal your cells and will keep evolving your body into the happy and healthy person you want to be."

From the book Keto-Adapted by Maria Emmerich

Basically (i.e. "I Cannot Brain Today" terms), when you limit your daily carbohydrate intake (I try to keep mine at or under 20 net carbs, but under 50 per day can work for some), your body stops using the sugar you eat as its main energy supply, and it begins breaking down fats (and stored body fat) to fuel its functions. 

For an expert explanation, read something like this.

Fat is where it's at, people!

I've been keto for just over 2 weeks now, and not only have I lost more than 6 pounds, but my skin is breakout-free and glowing (even during Shark Week), all my bloating/puffiness has disappeared, my moods have been awesome (I haven't gone She-Hulk on my kids all week!), I've felt super-focused, had tons of energy, and felt satiated all the time!

I've been cooking up a storm, and I can't wait to post some of the recipes for you! But one in particular just HAD to be shared. 

Guys. THIS. 

Bbq bacon-wrapped chicken legs with pimenta'-cheese cauliflower gratin and sweet & tangy coleslaw. Whaaaaaat???

Shut yo' face.

Bacon-Wrapped BBQ Chicken

Ingredients

(All my ingredients are Trader Joe's brand - use what you like)

12 chicken legs

6 slices bacon

12 toothpicks

2 tbs ketchup

2 tbs steak sauce

2 tbs apple cider vinegar

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees, and prepare a sheet pan with parchment paper, foil, or a silpat.

Soak the toothpicks in a bowl of water, then prep the chicken while they soak. If desired, trim up the legs "lollipop" style, and remove the skin. I watched this video to learn the process, and it was quite helpful. Removing the skin is definitely easier if you trim the chicken as pictured. Season the chicken with salt and pepper, or with whatever seasonings you prefer. Cut the bacon slices in half (across the short side) so that you have 12 short, fat pieces. Wrap one slice around each drumstick, securing the bacon to the chicken where it overlaps onto itself (don't skewer yourself in the process).

Stand the drumsticks up on the sheet pan, leaving some space between each one so the heat can circulate around them. Bake at 400 for about 40 minutes, or until the bacon looks like good bacon do. 

While it bakes, whisk up the ketchup, steak sauce, and vinegar. I mixed them up in a small diameter bowl with taller sides (like a ramekin or a drinking glass - just has to be wider than the chicken leg) so that I could just dunk and swirl the chicken in the sauce without having to make more sauce than I needed for the recipe. Alternately, you could brush on the sauce. 

Remove the chicken from the oven, and raise the heat to 450. Coat the chicken in the sauce, then bake again for another 5 minutes or so, until your sexy little legs look glazed and schticky. Let cool about 5 minutes so you don't melt your face off. 

Serving size: 2 drumsticks

Approximate nutrition per serving ~ 315 calories, 20g fat, 34g protein, 0 net carbs

Pimenta' Cheese Cauliflower Gratin

It tastes like a loaded baked potato. Maybe better. #forreal 

And I think I've found a way around soggy cauliflower!

Ingredients

1 head cauliflower, trimmed and chopped into medium-sized pieces

3 paper towels (for extra fiber - JUST KIDDIN')

2 Tbs heavy cream

1 Tbs butter

5 oz smoked gouda cheese, shredded 

3 oz pepper jack cheese, shredded

1 Tbs mayonnaise

6 queen green pimento stuffed olives, chopped or sliced

1/8 tsp nutmeg

1/8 tsp cayenne (optional)

salt and pepper

In a large microwave-safe bowl with a lid, place two sheets of paper towel in the bottom (the excess will run up the sides and out of the bowl). Place the cauliflower on top, sprinkle with a big pinch of salt, cover the dish with another paper towel, and then top with the lid. Microwave for 10-15 minutes (depending on your microwave) until the florets fall apart easily when forked (tee-hee), but not to the point of mush. 

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees (450 will work, too, if your oven is already there for the chicken).

Carefully remove the lid and top paper towel (no steam burns, please) and remove the cooked cauliflower to a plate (or other temporary holding area), taking care not to shred the wet paper towels on the bottom. Once the cauliflower is out, toss the paper towels and any liquid left in the bowl. Add the cauliflower back into the now empty bowl, and smash it lightly with a fork. I like mine on the chunky side (that's what she said).

To the smashed cauliflower, add the heavy cream, butter, half of each cheese, the mayo, half of the olives, and the spices. Mix well and taste for seasoning, adjusting as necessary. Pour the mixture into a casserole dish (8"x8"-ish) and then top with the rest of the cheese and olives. Bake until bubbly and browned to your liking.

Serves 4 (Big Ass Servings)

Approximate nutrition per serving ~ 306 calories, 25g fat, 15g protein, 4 net carbs

Tangy Coleslaw

If you're a fan of KFC's coleslaw, you're gonna like it! If you're not a fan of their coleslaw, we can't be friends. Ugh, okaaaaaaay. Maybe we can.

Ingredients

1 bag broccoli slaw (about 5 cups)

1 bag shredded cabbage (about 4 cups)

1 cup sauerkraut (preferably raw, but whatevs)

2 Tbs sour cream

2 Tbs Mayo

1 1/2 Tbs apple cider vinegar

1/4 tsp celery salt

salt and pepper to taste

zero carb sweetener (your brand), to taste (about 2 teaspoons of sugar equivalent)

In a large mixing bowl, whisk the sour cream, mayo, vinegar, celery salt, and sweetener (if desired). Add the rest of the ingredients, mix well, and adjust seasonings as necessary. Refrigerate until needed. 

Serves 6

Approximate nutrition per serving ~ 80 calories, 5g fat, 2g protein, 5 net carbs

Best. Grilled Cheese. Ever.

Panino would be a more accurate description, I suppose, but whatever you call it, this sammie has officially become the family favorite grilled cheese. Serious. Foodgasm.  It was inspired by Daphne Oz's roasted cauliflower grilled cheese with jalapeño aioli from her fabulous cookbook Relish. I've made her exact recipe once before, and it was amaze balls. This time around I was too lazy to open the book decided to wing it with what I could remember from her recipe. I used roasted cauliflower, caramelized onions, smoked swiss cheese, spring mix greens, and a quick sweet and spicy jalapeño dressing. The result was smoky, gooey, crunchy, buttery, slightly sweet, salty, and uh-MAY-zing. The only thing that could have improved on the flavor was bacon - duh - but I was trying to keep the sandwich vegetarian. It was pure decadence with some veggies thrown in to make me feel better about eating it. The cauliflower, onions, and dressing can all be prepared ahead of time and refrigerated until you're ready to assemble the sammies.

Ingredients:

For the roasted cauliflower

1 head cauliflower, sliced lengthwise into steaks

2 tbs olive oil

1 tbs curry powder

salt and pepper

For the caramelized onions
1 large or 2 small onions, halved and sliced into half moons
1 tbs olive oil
salt
1/2 cup water
1 bay leaf
1 tsp rubbed sage or 2 tsp fresh chopped sage
1/2 cup dry white wine

For the dressing
1 small or 1/2 a large jalapeño, finely chopped
1 tbs mayonnaise
1 tsp white wine vinegar
1 tsp maple syrup or honey
1 tsp dijon mustard
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1/8 tsp onion powder

For the sandwiches
8 slices hearty sandwich bread (such as Dave's Killer Bread)
4 tsp butter
8 slices smoked swiss cheese (such as Tillamook)
1 cup spring mix salad

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. To make the cauliflower, slice it from the top of the head through the bottom into 1/4" steaks. You will probably only get 3 good "steaks" out of the head, the rest of it will crumble into florets, and that's ok. For easy cleanup, line a sheet pan with nonstick foil. Gently place the sliced cauliflower on the pan, and drizzle with olive oil. Use a pastry brush or your fingers to evenly coat the pieces. Season the top sides with curry powder, pepper, and a liberal amount of salt. Roast for 18 minutes, gently flip them over, then roast an additional 5 mins until caramelized. Reserve. This can be done ahead of time, just be careful how you store them in the refrigerator so as not to break them up too much.

To make the onions, preheat a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the olive oil and heat it until it shimmers when you shake the pan. Add the onions and a good pinch of salt. Once they begin to turn translucent, at the water and bay leaf. Simmer, uncovered, until all the water has evaporated, about 10 minutes. Increase the heat to medium high, add the sage, and sauté the onions another 10 minutes or so until deep golden brown and caramelized all over, stirring and scraping the pan bottom with a wooden spoon every 1 or 2 minutes. Add the wine and scrape the pan more, getting up all the browned bits from the bottom. Remove from heat. Keep onions refrigerated until ready to use.

To make the dressing, combine all the ingredients in a lidded jar and give them a good shake. Store in fridge until ready to use.

Preheat a nonstick skillet or griddle to medium low heat. To assemble the sandwiches, lay out 4 slices of bread on a work surface. Butter one side of each slice of bread with 1/2 tsp of butter and flip them all over. Spread each slice with a little dressing. Layer one slice of cheese, a layer of cauliflower, 1/4 of the onions, 1/4 of the lettuces, and another slice of cheese. Repeat for all 4 sandwiches. Butter the other 4 slices of bread, flip over, spread with remaining dressing, and top the assembled sandwiches with their tops, buttered side up. Cook individually in a skillet or together on a griddle. Brown the first side until deep brown and crispy (I like to periodically flatten down the sandwiches with a spatula), 4-5 minutes. Carefully flip and brown the second side, 2-3 minutes.

Cut into triangles and DEVOUR as slowly as you are able. Multiple foodgasms will ensue.

serves 4