Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Don't Judge Me!

My name is Jessica, and I go nuts for doughnuts. It's sad, but true. It was never a problem like this before we moved here - pre-Hawaii I was a big fan, but I usually only indulged in the best, freshest specimens, i.e. Long's Bakery in Indianapolis - holler! - or a fresh-from-the-fryer Krispy Kreme (sorry Dunkin' - not a fan), and those were few and far between. But despite years of nutritious eating, and despite how terrible for you they are, I could motorboat a good doughnut right now. There are just no great doughnuts on Oahu! One place, Agnes Bakery in Kailua, actually puts out a dayum good product with love in every bite, but it's a jaunt to get out there, and in the words of Forrest Gump, "You never know what you're gonna get." Their selection changes daily, so I can never depend on getting what I'm craving, which is always something with lots of filling. Doughnuts are merely tender vessels for frostings and fillings (unless they are fresh from the fryer, that is). That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. So essentially, I've been without a reliable doughnut shop for two years. Until recently, I honestly didn't realize that I missed them so much. Maybe because Oahu is so tropicalislandish and gorgeousy? But this past July, Gilligan left the island and made her way to Washington (state) to visit her sister wife/BBFL (best bitch for life) and rediscovered a lost love.

   Becky and Jess 7/24/13

A love of food is just one of the bazillion things Becky and I have in common, and our conversations frequently and spontaneously drift to foodgasmic topics (usually after working out). Early on in my visit, we began to talk doughnuts, and I went dough-nuts when she told me of all the great places in the area. Let's just say that during our 2 week stay, Jake and I bought 6-7 dozen doughnuts. Yup. The only reason we didn't explode was that we shared said dozens among 9 people, and if you count the fact that Becky and I split every one (or half of one) we tried, it really wasn't that bad. It was vacation, after all! (And you can bet we snuck in some cardio to buy us plenty more foodgasms!) Anyway, our last doughnut stop was Krispy Kreme, one of my faves. I know, I know... commercial and full of cancer and corn syrup and IDON'TCAREILOVEIT! A few green smoothies will balance it out. (This is what I tell myself.) I hadn't had a Krispy Kreme in years, and it was probably for that reason that they tasted so UH-MAZ-ING. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that. I'm all about their kreme filling... I think the main ingredient is Jesus juice (IF you know what I mean). I savored the flavor (totally swallowed) and filed it away in the foodgasm spank-bank. Alas, I feared it would be a year or more before I'd get another fix, for the only Krispy Kreme in Hawaii is on Maui.

Cut to last week.

Jake had a 3 day business trip to Maui. The Krispy-Kreme-Konnection never even occurred to me - I was just happy it was a short trip and that he'd be in the same time zone, instead of 3000 or more miles away - until his first night there when I received a text from him and the following conversation ensued:


No. Shame. Okay, not true. Completely ashamed (mostly of the overuse of LOL). But did that stop me from reminding him before he came home?


Best Husband Ever award goes to Jake.

In my defense, 2 dozen went straight to the freezer for safe keeping (until next month's PMS bout). Even I'm not that shameless, although we may have eaten doughnuts for dinner that night.

It was 2 days later when shit got REAL.

Chocolate. Bacon. Kreme. Filled. Doughnut. Sandwich.

Oh, yes. I did.

Pardon me while I do some not-so-spontaneous-but-totally-worth-it cardio.

*Sincere apologies to all my Hawaii friends for my unwillingness to share in the stockpile. I seriously considered not posting this story for fear of the repercussions. Don't hate me because I'm dough-nuts!

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