Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween and This Guy-->

This is Jagger. He's our cat. He lives a miserable life.


Occasionally, he gets into trouble. Case in point, Halloween, circa 5am. It's pitch black in the house, and I'm snuggled in bed enjoying my last hour of sleep. Suddenly, I'm awakened by the annoying sound of a rattle, soon followed by "Maaaooow... maaaooow."

Rattle, rattle... maaooww.  Rattle, rattle... maaooww.

Maaaaaaaaaaow.  Maaaaaaaaaaooow. Maaaaaooow.

Rattlerattlerattlerattlerattlerattlerattlerattle... maaaaaaaooooww.

While he is many things, a big talker Jagger is NOT. I've heard less maaaaoow's from him in 30 days than I did in that span of 30 seconds! His maaow's usually mean, "Someone shut the door to my bathroom and I've gotta pee, so open it quick, or this rug gets it!!" or "Where the hell did everybody go?" That's about it in his maaoowing department. So these constant cries (and the ominous rattling) have my Oh Shit Alarm going off big time. I call him upstairs (by maaowing back at him - DUH) to see what's up. He runs up the stairs, and I can't help but notice that his normal pitter patter is combined with RATTLERATTLERATTLERATTLERATTLERATTLE!

Oh. Gawd.

The only thing I can picture is that squeaky dog scene from the movie Snatch. I'm already fearing he has somehow found and swallowed one of my daughter's Squinkies. Ugh. I rub my eyes and turn on the light as Jagger walks into the room...

What, um, what? He's crying and crying because he wants to play ball?!?! And then I realize what's really going on.

My silly, overeager pussy tried to deep throat his own ball and got his teeth stuck in it. 
(That's what she said.) Genius. 

I remove his gag, give him a good scratch under his chin and tell him what a silly boy he is, and turn off the light to try and get a little more shuteye. Until moments later when I hear...


Sigh. I shake my head. He's batting the toy all around the bedroom, down the hall, and back downstairs. Will he never learn???

After all that, my 3 year old wakes up at 5:10. Happy Halloween!!! Gonna be a long day/night.

I ran some errands with my cranky lil' girlfriend. We put on some festive flair.

I call this her JoliEvil look. She wears it on the daily, but she's normally able to cloak the appearance of the horns from everyone but immediate family. Not today! Not. To. Day.

Later on...

We had a costume change. Don't I look younger????

If you said yes, go fuck yourself. That's obviously my son, asshole.

He dressed up as a science nerd (complete with Sheldon laugh), and the girlfriend was Rapunkzel. See what I did there? She wears that damned costume pretty much everyday, so we had to give it some originality. It actually fits her personality perfectly. (Ironically, my son's costume wasn't much of a stretch, either.)

Hubby was stuck at work most of the night, so I put on some comfy clothes and geared up for the long night of walking.

I call my costume Closet Wino Soccer Mom (yes, that's wine in m'sippy cup).

It was a decent evening. Kids got gobs of candy. They had their fill of it when we got home, brushed their teeth, and went to bed. I actually only had about 2 pieces of candy in total. I just wasn't feeling it this year. Some of the classics looked appealing (hello, Reese's Cup Pumkin), but when I bit into them, they were disappointing. I figured, why continue to eat even this "fun size" candy if I'm not really enjoying it? I see it as banking some calories for a real foodgasm some other time. We all crave indulgent food, but when we choose to indulge, it should be something that leaves us SATISFIED! If it's not waving your flag, don't keep eating it "just because." I'm hoping that thinking will help me through the next couple months of serial foodgasming without looking like I'm bulking up for hibernation.

Happy November!


  1. But for real though, what if your son starts stealing your ID to go hit the clubs?

    1. Well now I know it's a possibility, and knowing's half the battle!

  2. I love how before rescuing the cat you took his photo!

    1. I cackled when I read this. I only took the time to do so bc it was clear he was okay. Just his pride was hurt. Haha!!