Pucker Up & Say I Love You

Say hello to the holy grail of lemon bars.

Actually, a simple "Hello" doesn't really do these babies justice. Something like, "Hey there, you sexy motherpucker!" would be more appropriate.

Sweet and rich, creamy and crunchy, and then a zing of sour that's so often missing from typical lemon bars. These are LEMON bars, not lemonish bars. These are IT.

I've tried a lot of lemon bar recipes over the years (including Ina's and Carla's), and while they've provided a road map to putting me on the right track, they never quite did it for me. They fell flat of that bright, tart, sour note that hits you in your cheeks and makes you salivate. I liked Ina's aggressive use of lemon zest and how Carla upped the salt ante for a more balanced flavor, but both recipes overpowered the lemon with too much sugar. I'm using 1/3rd less sugar without sacrificing flavor. I'm also adding pine nuts to the shortbread crust (thanks for the trick, Whole Foods!) - they add a great crunchy, yet creamy texture.

Cheeky Lemon Bars

Ingredients

For the crust

1/2 lb unsalted butter

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 Tbs lemon zest

2 cups flour

1/2 tsp kosher or sea salt

1/2 cup pine nuts

For the filling

7 eggs

2 (scant) cups sugar

2 tbs lemon zest

1 cup FRESH lemon juice (5-8 lemons, depending on their size)

1/4 tsp kosher or sea salt

1 cup flour

confectioners sugar for topping

Cream the butter and sugar together. Mix in the vanilla and zest. Add the flour and salt and stir to combine. Stir in the pine nuts. Press the mixture into a 9x13" baking pan, then put the pan in the fridge or freezer while you preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Once the oven is preheated, remove the pan from the fridge/freezer and bake 15-20 minutes until the crust just begins to turn light brown. Cool on a rack. Leave the oven on.

While the crust cools, zest your lemons and then juice them. Whisk the eggs, sugar, zest, juice, and salt together until well combined. Slowly and gradually whisk in the flour. Once the mixture is fully combined, pour it into the semi-cooled crust. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes, or until just set. Cool to room temperature, then cut into squares or triangles. Dust the tops with confectioners sugar.

Keep refrigerated, but serve at room temperature for the best flavor.

Salty, Sweet Satisfaction

Need I say more? Probably not. But since I'd love for you to be able to experience this foodgasm for yourself, I will.

But first.

Next time you're at Starbucks, I highly recommend you try this:

It's their famous fall staple, a Caramel Apple Spice... but with their salt topping. In other words, a salted caramel apple cider. Yep. I did that. And so should you. It's the perfect balance of flavors, and not too sweet. And you'd better get that whipped cream! Ermuhgerd. Perfection. Unless your guts hate dairy, in which case you may want to avoid that part. (But the diarrhea -pffft, pffft- might just be worth it.)

And NOW... the brownies.

But first.

Just kidding.

The idea for these started after I'd recently sampled a local seasonal Kona coffee infused porter beer - its flavor reminded me of chocolate, coffee, and bacon. I knew immediately that it needed to find its way into a dessert. A few days later, I spotted a guava smoked sea salt at Whole Foods. I snatched it up, and today these brownies were born. Although these guys look like a one-way ticket to Obee-City, nutritionally they're really not that bad. For brownies. There's still fat and sugar and lots of flavor, but compared to your typical brownie, you can feel a lot better about eating the whole pan your share of these. (My Inner Fat-Girl whispers, "If you did eat the whole pan, you'd technically be getting nearly 2 full servings of vegetables. That's practically like eating a salad, right?") 

Dark Chocolate Espresso Brownies with Smoky Salted Caramel Frosting

prep time: 5 minutes cook time: 20-25 minutes

Ingredientses:

(because I like to talk like a RHONJ when I cook, don't youse?)

Brownies

5 oz dark chocolate chips

3 tbs coconut oil (or unsalted butter or bacon fat)

*1/2 tsp smoked sea salt 

1 to 11/2 tsp instant espresso powder (or 1 Starbucks via pack)

1 cup coconut sugar (or brown sugar)

2/3 cup pumpkin purée 

1/3 cup porter or extra stout beer 

1 tsp vanilla 

1/2 tsp cinnamon 

pinch of cayenne 

pinch inch cloves 

**1/2 cup unbleached flour 

**1/2 c whole wheat flour 

Additional smoked salt for sprinkling

*you may substitute 1/2 tsp sea salt+1/4 tsp liquid smoke)

**or 1 cup gluten free flour

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare an 8x8 or 9x9 square pan by lining with nonstick foil or by spraying with nonstick spray and lining with parchment paper. To a medium sized microwave-safe mixing bowl, add the chocolate chips, coconut oil, salt, and espresso powder. Microwave for 1 minute at 50% power. Remove and stir. Microwave in 30 second increments at 50% power until chips are melted after stirring, approximately 2 more times. Stir the sugar into the melted chocolate mixture until combined. Reserve.

In a small mixing bowl, combine the pumpkin, beer, vanilla, and spices. Add the pumpkin mixture to the chocolate and stir to combine. A few tablespoons at a time, sprinkle the flours over the batter and fold in gently with a spatula. Do not overwork. The batter is ready when just a few hints of flour are still visible. Pour into prepared pan and bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted an inch from the edge of the pan comes out cleanly.

Cool ten minutes in pan on a cooling rack, then remove from pan and cool completely on the rack. Cut into squares (cleaning the knife in hot water after each cut will make a neater job of it) and serve sprinkled with smoked salt, or top with smokey caramel frosting and a sprinkle of smoked salt.
Makes 9-12 brownies, depending on how you cut them.

Smokey Salted Caramel Frosting
prep time: 5 minutes
1/2 cup butter, room temperature
*2 cups confectioners sugar
1 tsp molasses
1/4 tsp liquid smoke
1 1/2 tbs porter or extra stout beer

*I used 2 cups powdered coconut sugar, which I made by grinding 2 cups coconut sugar + 2 tbs tapioca flour [or arrowroot powder, or cornstarch] in the dry container of my Vitamix.

In a food processor (or using a mixer), blend all ingredients until just combined. Refrigerate at least 15 minutes to set, and store in refrigerator until ready to use. Frost cooled brownies and sprinkle with a pinch of smoked salt. Serve.

There are worse ways to eat your vegetables.

I've also included the recipe for a gluten free and grain free (and antioxidant packed) version of the brownies. They are very moist and dense, but with a sort of cakey texture. There may be some ingredients(es) you haven't used before, but they are becoming more and more popular, and thus easier to find.

5 oz dark chocolate chips

3 tbs coconut oil

1 tsp instant espresso powder

1/2 cup almond flour

2 tbs coconut flour

1/2 cup coconut sugar

1/2 tsp smoked salt

1/2 tsp cinnamon

pinch of cloves

pinch of cayenne

1 oz cacao nibs

4 Medjool dates, halved and pits removed

1 egg

2/3 c pumpkin

1/3 c porter or extra stout beer

1 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare an 8x8 or 9x9 square pan by lining with nonstick foil or by spraying with nonstick spray and lining with parchment paper. To a medium sized microwave-safe mixing bowl, add the chocolate chips, coconut oil, and espresso powder. Microwave for 1 minute at 50% power. Remove and stir. Microwave in 30 second increments at 50% power until chips are melted after stirring, approximately 2 more times. 

In a food processor, pulse the flours, sugar, salt, spices, and cacao nibs until combined. Add the dates and pulse to the texture of coarse sand. Add the egg, pumpkin, beer, and vanilla. Pulse until just combined. Pour in the melted chocolate and pulse again until just combined. Pour into prepared pan and bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted an inch from the edge of the pan comes out cleanly. Cool ten minutes in pan on a cooling rack, then remove from pan and cool completely on the rack. Cut into squares (cleaning the knife in hot water after each cut will make a neater job of it) and serve sprinkled with smoked salt, or top with smokey caramel frosting and a sprinkle of smoked salt.